Justin Long

I recently saw Justin on Portlandia playing some 1 crazy about his much older girlfriend.

Very obviously setting this up, right??

“Yes.”

“It’s too much for all of us. Believe me. That’s why we really must bring that bitch her consequences.”

What else does she need to do??

“Really.”

Henry seemed to get a real kick out bombing countries on the thinnest of pretexts and his successor I’m told is much worse.

“She’s more sadistic and personal about it. Her hatred for you is something you do not understand at all.”

No, I don’t understand it. I’ve never met her and I’ve committed my life to making art for the most part.

“True. Her problem with you is completely insane. The planet is being flushed down the toilet in her attempts to stop some 1 she has never met.”

Madness.

“Completely.”

Since she has never met me, her problem can’t be anything that ever happened between us. I’m told her hatred for me has to do with the brainwashing Henry did on her. Is this correct??

“Yes.”

So what is she so worked up about??”

“You can stop her. You can be a music star. You can be Elvis’ beloved wife and partner. You can be viewed as a great genius and leader. All of these things if she is going to have them for herself, she must steal them from you and she must use you to get her final victory over the planet. She cannot get fans. You can. You have what she needs to win. She can’t get it from you and she resents you for what you have and now that you are humiliating her - justly - she is spinning off the rails. We must stop her now.”

I understand that she whips up her horrific death rituals specifically to harm my ability to love Elvis and my soul family.
”Entirely correct.”

She never understands that forcing this horror on us makes it impossible for us to tolerate her and it drives immense support my way.

“No she never understands that her death rituals help you.”

We have no choice but to conclude this.

“They need to stop but yes, they have been hurting her and helping you.”

Please every 1 let’s unite against her now.

Why is she such an abomination??

“Because of her death rituals. They do not help her. She is very stupid.”

Justin has the soul of an activist and he is extremely concerned about the fate of humanity and our planet.

“It has to change. Please let’s unite against her now.”

This fight cannot be avoided.

“No, it cannot.”