Narcissists stay with partners who tolerate their abuse.

By Brenda Massey

If you really get to know a narcissist you’ll see they’re very insecure. They’re always overcompensating for something they’re not quite comfortable with (their looks, height, weight, career choices).

Narcissists usually choose partners who are either too good for them or someone who is way beneath them in looks and career. They never choose those who are their equals. Narcissists like to show off the pretty model to the public and treat the lower model as a slave. Both models give them the supply they need.

I know two narcissists and one only dates older, larger women because according to him they’re easier to control and they aren’t going anywhere. He is very resentful of attractive women. The second narcissist also dates older, average women and admitted to being “scared” of younger, beautiful women.

When a narcissist chooses a partner they’re choosing someone who can be their scapegoat. They aren’t looking for a strong woman or man, someone with the confidence and the intelligence to meet someone better than them. Even if their partner is good looking they will only choose someone who is submissive with low self esteem.

To fully answer your question, they treat their partners badly because they purposely choose someone who will accept being treated badly. The future partner was tested and didn’t walk away in the beginning and the narcissist knew they had them.

People with a healthy level of self esteem and sense of self worth don’t last very long in narcissistic relationships and usually leave in the beginning; or they can tell something is off right away and they never enter a relationship at all.

They treat you badly because your role was that of a scapegoat, not a partner. All of their frustrations about themselves and the other supply they want to be with but can’t seem to attract will be taken out on you.