How does one get a narcissist to discard them? I want him to discard me, leave, see no more use for me and move on.

By Kathleen White

It's called “grey rocking”. If for some reason you're stuck with a narcissist and can't leave (the #1 best way to deal with a narcissist), then you simply try to be as boring and unresponsive as possible: act like a grey rock, something that's just there and unremarkable.

Narcissists crave your attention and reactions, so will push any button they can to force you to react. So… don't react. This is very hard, when they've trained you to jump through hoops and run around in circles and desperately try to please them; they also usually know you well enough to know your weak points and hot buttons — narcissist parents usually have installed most of them in their children themselves! — and won't hesitate to use them. So it can take some time to learn to grey rock well.

Be as boring as possible. Avoid them as much as you can, without making any kind of a deal about it (they love drama, so being dramatic about it only feeds them). Answer questions simply and factually and don't volunteer information. Don't talk about anything personal or interesting; think about it as if you're a cashier trying to get on to the next customer: be polite, efficient, and impersonal. If you are forced to discuss things, stick to facts, and preferably boring ones. “What did you do today?” “Laundry.” Ignore insults and drama. Why would a rock care about insults? Do enforce boundaries! Just be straightforward and unemotional about it. “You weren't here at 7 so I left.” Facts.

Eventually the narcissist will get bored and give up. They usually will try harder to get a reaction first; they may go away then come back to test you again. Keep grey rocking and you’ll bore them away in the long run.