How do narcissistic personalities manage their relationships?

By Michaela Scott

I wouldn’t say they “manage” relationships and give mutual consideration to their counterpart. It is truly a one-sided “relationship”. They do not reflect on how to work out differences. Everything they do in any and all of their relationships, is purely reactive (this means, without thought or consideration), and selfish.

It helps to remember they harbor the effects of early trauma, deeply. So deep, they never reflect upon it, it is too painful for them to remember, or safely take another look at. If you brought it up to them, they would deny knowing what you are talking about, because they never look at it, they don’t remember it, they don’t acknowledge it, they have no evolved thoughts or considerations about it. There is nothing there to heal, as far as they are concerned.

What you see narcissists “do”, on a daily, if not hourly, basis, is manage their frail and damaged ego. This takes up a LOT of their energy and time.

They must constantly protect and be hyper-vigilant about, hiding their weaknesses and/or imperfections, constantly bringing up the good qualities they want everyone to see which will hide the imperfections they want to have remain hidden. They do this, in often, aggressive ways. To the outside person, looking in, it appears strange and hyper-reactive.

They will go on “the attack” toward anyone who throws a criticism, no matter how small or benign, in their direction. It is perceived as “an attack”, or a dangerous exposure of their imperfection to the world. Retaliation must be aggressive and immediate. Lies are absolutely on the table as weapons against you, and destroying your integrity is imperative in order to protect their fragile ego. They will even build a base of allies to help them fortify their agenda and their ego, simultaneously.