What are the characteristics of a narcissist
By Racquel G. Neves
I believe there are several levels of narcissism, this is common for anyone who is a N.
SELF-CENTERED: they view everything and everyone according to their own self-interest and perspective. A person or situation is only valuable if they benefit from it and while they benefit from it (that’s why they discard even their “loved” ones so promptly - it has little to do with you and everything to do with them.) They also think they are the center of the universe. Everyone either adores them or hates them, they can’t accept they might not matter. Many of them are obssessed with social media, and it also enables them to gather information on victims and fake empathy. See number 2.
LACKING EMPATHY: this is a major red flag. Although they spend their lives attempting to fake empathy, Ns cannot relate to what other’s feel. Even if they could they wouldn’t, because they don’t care about others enough, nor do they deem what you feel valuable. Your value=how you make them feel. People who are not very close to the N might think they are actually very empathetic, because at first they act like it. They can learn to quote from the Bible to give comfort, or shed a few tears when necessary. But if you observe them from up-close, you will notice they are only mimicking other people’s reactions, or what they have learned that works. It’s not authentic. With their intimates, they eventually will not resist and will comment on people or events in a way that is cold, mean, inconsiderate, often revealing to be ignorant about basic human emotions.
MANIPULATIVE: they are masters of disguise, lies and manipulation. This is why they often ask so many questions about you in the beginning of a relationship. They will remember not only what you said you liked/ disliked but also how you reacted to specific situations. Not because they are considerate and care for your feelings but because they will use this to create the persona you are likely to fall in love/ feel attracted to. They will fake liking people if there is something to be gained from it. They are also very good at promoting themselves. They can lie/ withhold information easily, and manipulate every argument so in the end you might even feel guilty about it.
ENVIOUS: they are chronically unsatisfied but instead of using it to do more and be better, they just fuel their despise of others. They want what others have, be it looks, youth, money, power, fame, recognition, sexual stamina, ... They are insecure, so they need to keep attracting to their side people who posess the qualities or things they want. They often want to be seen with younger, attractive partners, or will find ways to mention in conversation how they are friends with someone famous. It’s like there is a permanent void in them and they need others to fix it. Unfortunately for them, they also hate the fact they need others and will never sincerely admit to it. They also have delusions of grandiosity. They have to constantly project themselves as better than they are, because truly “looking in the mirror” would be fatal to their ego.
REGRETLESS: they are stuck. Most of them will never change because they are totally unable to understand their mistakes and to put themselves in the shoes of the ones they have hurt. They prefer to project the blame for whatever went wrong. But be warned: sometimes, they can say things such as “you are right” or “I am sorry” or “it’s my fault” to lure you into thinking they are not bad guys after all. If you suspect this, a word of advice: forget what they say and whatever charm they use, and look only at what they do. Are they caring? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Are they capable of giving without taking?