Do narcissists end any relationships themselves?
By Eva McElwain
Sure they do. Often. Even when in a relationship, they are looking for more. Scanning the environment for those who are in ‘better’ positions than themselves. They are always evaluating the social dynamic as it relates to ‘how they are doing’. They are envious of those who have more social capital and real capital than they have.
Their assessments are not always correct, but they think they are correct.
That’s really what they want—power. But power can take many forms. Money, attention, friends, respect, influence, access, love. (It can go from someone wanting to get into a movie in Hollywood to those who just want a roof over their heads.) Those with NPD will not be the same about exactly what ‘does it’ for them.
If they find an accessible pathway, then they will try to manage a way to have the current partner not find out they are attempting to negotiate a new relationship with another person. Long distance relationships are ideal for this. Although I think there is always a bit of ‘devalue’ in these relationships, even from the start, you will know they have secured ‘a side supply’ when the ‘real devalue’ begins.
The ‘real devalue’ helps them separate from the former supply. They are comparing. If they determine that the new relationship is indeed the ‘more’ they need, they will jump, thus ‘ending the relationship’.
But if they truly have NPD, this is never the end. Because at anytime, if the new ‘supply’ dies, divorces, becomes disabled or disobliging, they can come back and seek to rekindle things with the former ‘supply’.
Relationships with those with NPD will have similarities but will not exactly be the same. I have seen those with NPD stay in very long term relationships >20 years. So that means the relationship has provided them with enough of ‘whatever it is that they want’ and they feel that there is value in having the relationship and ‘keeping up appearances’. An example would be someone who is really homosexual, but has a heterosexual marriage and children as a distraction, having homosexual relationships or brief ‘flings’ on the side/ or a stable heterosexual marriage, but many heterosexual affairs on the side/ or bigamy.
Those with NPD never have enough ‘more’ they are always on the prowl for more ‘more’, whatever it means to them.
Not only have I been in relationships with them, I have spoken to them-at length about what it is that they want and how it is that they are going to go about it to get it.
Honestly, in a moment of weakness, if you would ask them, they would probably tell you.