What is the best way to end things with a narcissist?
This answer is from quora.com and it’s by Tom Ewall
It’s very good to have asked this question, because ending a relationship with a narcissist is not like ending a relationship with a neurotypical (nt).
Before you end the relationship, arm yourself with knowledge, because leaving a narcissist is potentially (very likely) dangerous.
There are resources on line to help. Google “out of the fog” to find one website with a lot of resources regarding narcissistic abuse. They also have a forum where you can ask questions.
“Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life” is a good book.
Steps to take:
Learn what your up against and how to protect yourself.
When you act, act decisively and with resolve.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it takes an abuse victim an average of seven times to get away. It's not something to be taken lightly.
Expect the recovery to take time.
Narcissistic abuse involves psychological tactics akin to brainwashing. Much of what they do is targeted to get you to accept their reality as your own.
One of the techniques narcissists use is mirroring. They reflect you to yourself.
Another tactic is projection, where they project their perceived character flaws onto you.
Perhaps the worst tactic is gaslighting, in the sense of invalidating your reality (“that's your perception”).
Their lack of empathy is also psychologically damaging, as well as they're inability to emotionally connect. Our minds long for reciprocation, so when we don't get it, things happen like what you're describing, where we keep thinking of the abuser.
In short, there are a whole host of psychological tactics at work which serve to keep the abuser in mind. It's not at all like a breakup with a person without a personality disorder.
There's a YouTube channel “Healing After the Narcissist” by Dr. Martinez-Lewi which I found very helpful.