This is from quora.com by Videographer Cris Good. She answers the question:
What do narcissists not want you to know?
They don’t want you to know the truth…the truth about who they really are and what they really want from you. That’s it in a nutshell. I’ll illustrate my point.
If a person said the following to you, do you think you’d want to get to know them better or devote time, energy, or resources to a relationship with them?
“Hi, I’m interested in you because you’re very empathetic, kind, loving, and a giver. I think you would fulfill all my needs, at least for the short-term. I think I could mold you into the person I want you to be since I have no interest in who you really are.”
“As long as you go along with all my ideas and plans, as long as you listen to everything and love only one-sided conversations, our “contract” will work nicely. I like to play the role of a really nice person but I have no goodness in me…it’s all about me, me, and me. My favorite subject to talk about is…me. I’m selfish, self-centered, arrogant, proud, unfaithful, un-loyal, a total gossip, hypocritical, vengeful, domineering, controlling, extremely manipulative, a pathological liar, extremely insecure, and self-loathing. All those negative character traits are a result of never maturing past the age of a 3 or 4 year old.”
“I’ll never be able to take responsibility for anything because I’m emotionally stunted…I’m an infant wrapped in adult skin (I’m beautiful and I know it). I have a very warped way of thinking. I’ll never be able to love you or experience any level of intimacy with you because, well, because I can’t give you what I don’t have. I’ve never received the love that I needed to become a healthy child and grow into a healthy adult. Instead, all I can do in that department is pretend to give you what I think looks like it…at least for a little while. I am an Oscar worthy performer at my best. I really have no idea how to be in a healthy mutually loving relationship (due to my infantile lack of emotional intelligence). Because I don’t think I need to change anything about myself, I don’t change. I’m doomed to keep repeating my own version of insanity through my ingrained thought and behavioral patterns which keep producing the same painful and problematic results…more carnage and wrecked relationships.“
“I would love to hook you into my web of deceit so I can take as much as possible from you without giving anything in return. I’ll think about this a lot and clue you in…sometimes…to keep you off-balance and elicit a reaction from you. I really think you’re stupid, compared to me, and I’ll remind you of this often…both in overt and covert ways.”
“I’m never going to tell you the truth. I may tell you half-truths but you’re never going to get the actual truth. I simply believe my own lies. Of course, I’ll talk, talk, talk about me the whole time. Did I mention how much I love talking about me and my life? If you don’t adore and give me attention constantly, I’ll cut you off and talk over you…about me. I may just withhold affection, sex, whatever I know you want so I can punish you for not doing what I want you to do. I’m going to have other people on the side for when you don’t give me what I want or when I get bored, because it’s your fault. Don’t forget that. Your fault, not mine. Never mine. Everything I do is your fault when something is perceived by you as “wrong.” I actually don’t do anything wrong, so everything is your fault. Period.”
“I’ll use word salad to confuse you. Your life will not be your own anymore because I have to control everything, and I mean everything. That includes you, what you do, who you hang with, what you think…everything. I’ll manipulate you in ways you never even imagined and I’ll do anything and everything I can to dominate you completely. I do this because it makes me feel so much better about myself. So, why fight it? Just give me what I want, when I want it and everything will be fine. You actually won’t have any rights here. You’ll belong to me. There’s no point in objecting or fighting it. You’ll lose the argument because you’re not as smart as me. Have I told you that I think you’re stupid yet? Well, I think you’re stupid. Just go along with me and don’t make waves. Just don’t.”
“I’m very empty on the inside. I’d like to say it’s a void but it’s more like the abyss and an unending chasm of darkness and nothingness. I’m so excruciatingly insecure, and feel so inadequate with everything. That’s why I want to use you as much and as often as I can. You really have no say in the matter. What you think and feel mean absolutely nothing, zip, zilch, nada, nichts…nothing. You’ll never know it because with my mask on I’ll appear to be the “hero.” I’ll be more than “special,” better than everyone else, including you…I’ll appear so confident and accomplished. I’ll mirror you. I know you’ll just love my performance. ”
“I just want you to know, though, that I’ll never be the love of your life (even though I’ll try to convince you that I am), but I will put you through a sort of Chinese-torture kind of slow, insidious version of hell on earth. I will never love you, never! I won’t even like you, for that matter. I won’t respect you but I will loathe you more and more as time goes by. My contempt for you will continue to grow.”
“I know you’ll buy my sales pitch, because you just can’t help yourself and because I’ve had sooooo many years to perfect it (and you’re simply not smart enough to figure out my con). I did mention that I’m an Oscar worthy performer, right? So, with all that said, what do you say? Wanna give it a try? I think we really have a shot at this. I’ve never met anyone like you, ever. You’re my soulmate, I just know it. I’ve never fallen for anyone the way I’ve fallen for you. You’re simply amazing. I’m addicted to you and I can’t get enough of you. I don’t think I could ever live without you. I love you with all my heart.”
So, what do you think they have to hide?